Useless Cat.

Sheila and I have a pet cat. Well, Sheila has a pet cat. What I have is an animal which I must tolerate living in my home. Anyway, Zorro (that's the cat) is completely useless. He just lounges around and occasionally vomits on something. If there's a bug in the house and he knows about it, he might chase it. That's about it.

Zorro isn't like some cats, the cats that do funny or cute things and you take pictures of them doing said things and then e-mail the photos to all your coworkers and clog up their Outlook inbox with banality and hey look people, they only give us 50MB limits on these things so why don't you get back to work and stop harassing me with your dumb pets and by the way I checked on Snopes and that story you e-mailed me about the Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe is totally bogus.

No, Zorro does nothing worthwhile at all. I can't even make a decent lolcat out of him. I've tried:








I mean, these are the worst lolcats ever, right? I won't even waste the time, bandwidth, and server space of the good folks at I Can Has Cheezburger with these failed attempts at kitty humor. Zorro just isn't funny. Except for his extreme irrational fear of foam pool noodles (apparently also known as water logs). That is hilarious.